Having My Ex Back

Getting Your Ex Back - Becoming Your Ex's Best Friend

2010-01-19T15:46:00.000-05:00

In most cases, after a relationship has broken up due to an affair, what suffers the most other than the love relationship is the friendship.

Often, couples have started out as friends, some even for long periods of time.

It might have been an old school mate, someone from a place you might have previously worked, or even someone you met through mutual acquaintances.

These friendships obviously were very tight or you wouldn't have moved on to a romantic relationship.

In attempting to get your ex back after an affair, one of the most important aspects is rebuilding the friendship.

That friendship was obviously what you began your relationship upon, so it only makes sense that the same friendship must be repaired first.

As strange as it may sound, often the loss of the friendship hurts worse than the actual romantic aspect.

Many relationships are built on the wrong foundation.

For example, when I was young I had no problem getting girlfriends, because usually what we were each looking for was to fulfill some desire of the flesh such as intimacy, excitement, jealousy, etc.

Although many of these lasted for a while, the foundation was weak. It had no substance.

However, there were a few that were built on a strong foundation of friendship first, therefore having more strength, and inevitably, when severed, causing a greater sense of loss.

Hence, the pain of the breaking up goes deeper. It becomes more emotional. And also harder to get over.

Therefore, it often becomes more desirable to do whatever you can to get your ex back.

Even though you may have had an affair, the relationship can be repaired. But, it will require time and effort.

Becoming friends again is one of the key steps to getting your ex back.

To do this, you must first realize what it was that brought you together as friends.

Maybe it was a hobby, a common interest in arts, a particular place you both liked to go. Whatever it was, return to that thought pattern.

Don't just try to get your lost love to love you again. First they need to like you. And, to do that, they need to also see what it was that drew them to you in the beginning.

It might have been your sense of humor, your honesty, etc. Whatever it was, that is the first aspect that they need to remember. They need to see YOU again, and not "their ex".

Let them know how you feel. Honesty is the best policy.

Admit your fault, and seek to rebuild that friendship with them.

Determine if you both still have the same interests. Oftentimes, neglecting this aspect is what leads to breakup in the first place.

There might no longer be anything in common. Desires or habits may change, leading to boredom.

If this has happened, you need to look at the situation and actually determine if getting your ex back is really in both of your best interests.

If not, accept it, and move on. If it is, get to know each other again. Work on having fun "around them" instead of wanting to be romantic "with them".

Show them you are still the same person that they used to LIKE!

Remind them of the fun things you used to do together, the places you used to hang out.

If these were fond memories for them, your chances for success again are greater.

But, whatever you do, DO NOT overdo it. Do Not Push! The worst thing you want right now is to push them further away.

They will have all of their precautionary instincts honed right now, so easy does it!

Take your time in this approach. If this relationship is worth repairing, it is worth waiting on.

Just be the person you used be, the one they wanted to be friends with in the beginning, and if they show they are not interested, you won't have built up such strong "romantic" expectations.

Just remember, you can't make them want you. That is still ultimately up to them.

For more information on repairing broken relationships,
get The Magic of Making Up here!

Restoring Trust in Relationships Getting Your Ex Back After an Affair

2009-12-31T13:55:00.000-05:00

How do you get your ex back even after you’ve cheated? Some people claim that an affair should always end a relationship. But I disagree. I believe that every relationship is savable if both parties really want to work on it.

This article is about restoring trust in relationships.

Restoring trust in relationships requires an adjustment in attitude and actions. Even after an affair, it is possible to save a relationship. But that starts with ramping up the level of trust within the couple.

If you have had an affair, you have had an attitude which allowed you to stray. There may be something at the relationship’s core that is diseased. But you can heal the disease.

What was it that you were looking for when you strayed? Was the sex humdrum? Was your partner too busy for you? Were they just not spending enough time on personal grooming?

You wouldn’t have had an affair if the primary relationship was perfect. So, what needs to be done to fix it? Often that lies in self analysis. But just as often, that lies in the couple’s relationship.

Restoring trust in relationships means fixing the underlying problems. Sometimes that means going into couples counseling.

However, just understanding our thoughts isn’t enough. The next step is to take concrete action in fixing the problems.

The secret to restoring trust in relationships lies not in talking about the right things, but in doing the right things.

One of the biggest things you can do is to make small promises and keep them. If you promise her to take the trash out every evening, do it. And, do it consistently. If you promise him you will clean the house regularly, do it. When you demonstrate that you can be trusted in the small things, a gradual sense of confidence will be realized in the larger picture of the relationship.

Your partner or spouse is going to need constant reassurance that you have changed. This means that you are probably going to need to apologize more than once over time. You will also need to treat the recurring comments about the violation of trust as a matter of course. It is not easy for them to forgive the breach. If you want to stay with them, you will have to be patient with them.

This does not mean that you must feel guilty about the indiscretion forever. In fact, if you allow the other to constantly guilt trip you, they will never be satisfied in the new relationship you are building. Just be understanding.

Finally, you need to put a positive spin on the incident. Treat it as an opportunity for both of you to grow as individuals and for the relationship to mature.

Just as a bone grows stronger at the place it has been broken, a relationship can improve after an affair.

Restoring trust in a relationship takes time. It requires that you change both your attitudes and actions.

But it is possible to heal the divide and be a stronger couple as a result.

For more information on repairing broken relationships,
get The Magic of Making Up here!

Getting Your Ex Back - 5 Major Factors

2009-11-06T17:41:00.001-05:00

Getting your ex back can be a very frustrating task for many people.

A broken relationship carries with it many feelings that may or may not be easy to overcome.

All too often, I see one partner in a broken relationship trying desperately to win the other back, but going about it with all of the wrong methods.

I think sometimes people tend to forget that the HEART is actually involved, and not just the HEAD.

It is easy to just try to switch thinking and believe that "everything will be alright".

However, a heart can't be healed that simply. A broken heart takes much effort to mend, and if the proper steps are not taken, often more damage than good is done.

I can speak from experience on this as my wife and I decided to part ways about 11 years ago after 19 1/2 years of marriage.

BOY, was that a HUGE mistake!

Fortunately for us, we parted as friends, remained friends, and ultimately got back together - but only after about 3 years of painful and somewhat damaging experiences.

However, in coming back together, and in looking back at what happened, I found several factors that had we focused on these we would never have divorced. And we are now happier than ever!

These 5 factors - individually or in combination - are a sure recipe for disaster, and if not recognized or tended to, will definitely cause a strain on any type of reconciliation - either during the relationship, or after the relationship has already broken up.

1. - Lack of Communication -

I feel that this is one of THE MOST PREVALENT causes of breaking up today.

Society has moved to such a fast pace, that couples no longer have time for "family", or each other, for that matter.

Communication between two people is a must if a relationship is ever to survive.

Often, I have asked other men how long it had been since they told their wife how much they loved them. A not really surprising response was often "I don't know", and usually was followed by "but she knows I do"!

That isn't the point. The point is that each partner in a relationship MUST communicate with the other to have a mutually satisfying relationship.

But, communication goes deeper than that.

It should involve things such as what ones feelings are, how their work is going or what kind of day they have had, what is the other persons desires or aspirations, especially for the relationship, etc.

And, it truly must be "sincere". If it's been a bad day, say so, but be nice about it. Be honest. It usually works.

One point to remember, however, is that communication IS NOT about forcing one's opinions on the other, or asking their opinion and then getting mad because you don't get the response you wanted. Along with honesty, sincerity goes a long way.

2. - Lack of Passion -

This is probably the next major factor that I see in contributing to broken relationships.

Often it stems from Factor #1. Other times it stems from stress, exhaustion, sickness, etc.

There are a number of factors that can cause a lack of passion in a relationship, but if not dealt with PROMPTLY, this will certainly bring about a broken relationship.

This seems to occur more often when the female is ignored, but it does, however, also affect the male.

None of us like to be ignored in a romantic way. It is just nature to want to be loved by our partner.

But when monotony begins to slip in, romance usually flies out the window, and resentment starts to come into the picture.

This was one of the major factors in my marriage breaking up. We both became so complacent, that we eventually started neglecting the other's needs, and soon found we had drifted so far apart that we thought it was hopeless.

In combination with Factor #1 and a few others, it eventually caused our broken relationship.

If this happens, it will be a hurdle that will have to be overcome before having any chance of getting your ex back.

3 - Inadequacy -

This one in itself is probably the MOST DESTRUCTIVE of them all.

No one likes to think that they are not good enough for their partner.

Yet, every day, I see women especially being treated as though they were simply an object, and nothing else.

Often there are underlying factors that do seem to prompt this type of behavior, but that is another book in itself.

The important point is this - if you are treating your partner this way, STOP IT! They should be your BEST FRIEND, regardless.

Constant negative comments, especially in public, about your partners size, personality or other shortcoming you think they might have will most definitely leave scars that are likely not to be overcome.

This takes me back to COMMUNICATION and allowing HONESTY in a relationship. There should be a means of communication to allow each the opportunity to express their likes or dislikes without repercussion, IF done in an appropriate and loving manner.

But, blow this one, and forget getting your ex back!

4. -Guilt -

This factor can be a really tricky one to deal with.

This usually stems from some incident in which one of the partners has betrayed the other, and it hasn't come to light.

One partner may have messed up and stepped outside of the relationship and had some sort of interaction with a third party.

It may have been a casual meeting that never resulted in actual physical connection. It may have gone further and may have involved some sort of romantic or physical connection. It may have actually been an ongoing affair that finally came to an end.

Or it could have been just that one had romantic thoughts of someone else, but never acted on them.

Whatever the situation, these thoughts or actions can weigh heavy on the guilty party, especially if never revealed.

They might feel that the only way your relationship could be mended would be to tell the truth, which then possibly could result in more heartbreak.

This partner may feel the best thing to do is just move on to prevent facing their fault.

Again, I go back to communication. There has to be room for honesty and truth, or there will never be a GOOD relationship, nor will a broken relationship ever be truly mended.

5. - Outside Influence -

This factor seems to come into play more often after the relationship has been broken.

It usually stems from supposedly well-meaning family or friends, but all too often becomes the one roadblock that will hinder mending a broken relationship.

More especially, if one partner has done wrong, and it becomes public knowledge, everyone and their brother are there to give "GOOD ADVICE", regardless of how rotten their own relationships are.

If there is going to be any possibility of mending a broken relationship, it will have to be strictly between the two parties, based on their OWN feelings and thoughts, and only after careful consideration of all of the facts.

Families have been a major factor in many broken relationships.

Take their advice as just that, but DO NOT let it MAKE you do things that your heart is telling you differently about.

Ok. These were pretty long, but I promise you, if you will consider each of these factors, just as I had to - and several of them did apply to my broken relationship - then you will be more likely to at least talk to your partner about what went wrong, and determine if there is any hope for healing the brokenness.

But, if you ignore these warnings, then you better listen to this one - IT'S OVER!

For more information on getting your ex back

get the Magic of Making Up here!